How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the One

Mwahahaahahahaa. Cheney arriving at the Inauguration.

Don't forget to cash in on Obama ice cream... what is it called?

Waxing Politic

Hee hee hee...

Even Bush's farewell speech was one-upped by US Airway Flight 1549's emergency landing-on-water story. It's a good thing for Canada that Bush is on his way out since he would surely have bombed them for attacking us with their fancy WMD terrorist geese.

The O-Team

Great link to Obama's who's who at the NYT. Only other major news of the week is the death of Ricardo Montalban. Farewell Fantasy Island!

Dog Day Afternoon

Wow, so people got into a fight about cutting in line and stampeded a poor man to death. Just goes to show that Wal-mart is evil and people who shop there are nuts. Meanwhile, this is the saddest video I've seen in ages, at least this dog had enough decency to help his fellow dog:

That Idea Was So Last Election...

I know that Apu was once voted the most famous Indian in the USA, but things are going to change for everyone's favourite Kwik-E-Mart manager. As is now often the case in politics, stereotypes are ripe for utter and shameless exploitation. Hey, Hillaristas - you want a woman? We have women, meet Caribou Barbie...

Well, world, get ready for the Republican Party's newest move of desperation. Do we have any black/white Hawaiians? Nope? Hey, who's that in Louisiana? Is he foreign or is he just tan? (Send Berlusconi to check on that for us please). Oh he's an Indian? Sioux? Oh, from India, oh Indian but from Baton Rouge. He likes guns, he likes Christians, he hates abortion and doesn't support gay marriage. America, welcome the new non-whitey GOP Obama clone, 'Obama v. 2.0', Bobby Jindal! The Republican Party is like a SNL skit without the irony. Maybe irony is dead. How sad.

Back to Black

OK, so this week Al Qaeda numero 2, Ayman al-Zawahri, called Obama a 'house Negro' like Colin Powell and Condi Rice, which makes it official, nobody thinks Obama is half white anymore.

On to stranger things in the world of identity... I know that you can convert to another religion, but I didn't realize that in that same ceremony you could choose to convert into a woman? Artist formerly known as Michael Jackson (seen here in Dubai) in full Muslim female dress post-conversion. WTF? I see they let him keep his white socks and black moon walking shoes. Not so sure what is going on with his poor child.

Triumph

When all is said and done, this remains the best election coverage of all...





...for me to poop on.

Happy Thanksgiving

Now that the euphoria has died down over the man who was not black enough to be 'black' to the man who suddenly became the blackest African American in the US, La Palin offers us a little insight into what the good folks of Alaska are up to. Is this woman completely illiterate? She can't seem to make any sense. It's really hard to believe there's someone out there who makes Bush sound literate. It's also deeply sad to think that this is as good as it gets up there in Alaska. No wonder all the young people who haven't gotten knocked up by 17 want to leave. Gobble gobble, be thankful this year you're not an Alaskan turkey (and I don't just mean the bird).



On this godly week to come... although I'm not a big fan of Bill Maher, who is kinda the new Michael Moore, I nevertheless thoroughly enjoyed his explanation of religion (scroll to about 3:00 minutes):

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Bill Maher Pt. 1

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

That One is the One!!!

4:01 am GMT - it's official! Hooray, thank god I can go to sleep. Good luck and good night!

The One and That One

0:13 GMT. Here in London, my today is already your tomorrow. In 48 hours the good people of the US will be doing one of the following:

1) welcoming a new era of unfettered sunshine and rainbows that end in buckets of love and happiness
2) examining the fine print in regulations for immigration to Canada
3) wallowing in the grips of 24/7 reporting about voter fraud

In the meantime, The One is free. I hope this is an auspicious sign of things to come tomorrow... Maikaʻi Pomaika‘i!



SNL Presidential Bash...

Business Syphilis and the She-Bush

Best new nickname for Palin: She-Bush. Heheheh...

Best explanation of the financial crisis:

Just in Case...

So it turns out that most people do not know too many Supreme Court cases other than Roe v Wade and even in that case most people have no clue what Roe (pro-choice) and Wade (pro-life) stood for. Fortunately, most people are not running for public office, unfortunately Sarah Palin is. So here is a good Wiki link for everyone to the most important Supreme Court decisions (she might want to look into the following Alaska Supreme Court case just in case she can't see the US Supreme Court cases from her house...). Joe Six Pack Americans should have enough pride in their own history to know more than Palin does about the country (forget world) she lives in.

Just to name a basic few: Brown v Board of Education (desegregation of schools); Miranda v. Arizona (anyone who has ever watched Law and Order should know about Miranda rights); Romer v Evans (gay rights); Hustler Magazine v Falwell (i.e., the People vs Larry Flynt); US v Nixon (President is not above law, ok, maybe Republicans forget this one a lot). If nothing else she should have been able to invoke Edwards v Aguillard (which voted against the teaching of Creationism), Gonzalez v Carhart (on partial-birth abortion), and the recent DC v Heller (which reinforced Second Amendment rights... ermm, that's the one about guns Palin).


By the way, for all those people still blathering on about how Palin's complete lack of experience (much less basic knowledge) should be read as a virtue, they should be reminded that it's not necessarily the best idea to let people with no training undertake a job that they do not understand. There's a reason WHY Joe Six Pack isn't President. Case in point: remember what happened to Homer Simpson's millionaire brother when he lets Homer (the ultimate Joe Six Pack) design "The Homer" at a credit-crunch price tag of $82,000? That's change we can't afford!

Don't Follow the White Rabbit

I never would have thought there was any 'milk' in those candies in the first place so it is all the more shocking that they some were made with melamine tainted milk. Americans will get on their moral high horses again and rant about those sneaky slanty eyed Chinese all the while failing to remember who it is clamouring for super-cheap consumable goods. I remember back when White Rabbit candies were a novelty and honkys would try to peel off the rice paper. Heheheh. Speaking of whiteys...

Elsewhere in today's lack of serious news reporting: Marc Quinn proves that cliches are hugely profitable. His uber-crapola Siren (solid gold statue of Kate Moss in yoga pose... poor man's version of Hirst's equally crapola diamond encrusted skull) can now be added to the list of lame-o sculptures of unworthy celebs and should be paired with Daniels whathisname's Britney Spears Monument to Pro-Life sculpture. Neither can top Jeff Koons' truly inspirational Jacko and Bubbles (above). Quinn's and Edwards' one-liners are sad, shoddy gimmicks. OK, who cares, everyone is all geared up for the great debate on America's Got No Talent.

Hard Times News

The so-called credit crunch seems to be hitting really big time now that even Somali pirates are slashing their ransom rates!



Elsewhere, the Palin ticket really is turning into Miss Congeniality as McCain's election team goes into over-drive to prep Caribou Barbie for the VP debate - no that's a still from the movie, not a photo op of Biden and Palin...

Maybe they can have a talent contest instead, it's Beauty Queen vs Dancing Queen:

I Think She's Turning Japanese, She's Turning Japanese...

Maybe it's her hi-tech Japanese ninja glasses that enable her to see Russia from her house. Kazuo Kawaski thinks so.

But what will the residents of Obama, Japan say?

8 more houses or 8 more years?

Did I not say that McCain was way too Manchurian Candidate to be president?



I know it's totally biased, but hey, McCain's having a bad time. He's being out polled by his own VP candidate Miss Congeniality... (yes, he does seem like he's trying to take off his wedding ring while giving SP the ol' elevator eyes treatment in that vid with Ms Con).

Eight of the world's most unlikely people to have anything in common with each other joined together in their dislike of SP:

1. Alec Baldwin
2. Pam Andersen
3. Matt Damon
4. Lindsay Lohan
5. Chevy Chase
6. P'Diddy (the legion of angry anti-P'Diddyists are pretty funny too)
7. Crowd of Alaskans
8. Pigs and pitbulls (because they are much smarter than hockey moms with or without lipstick)

p.s. Can someone explain the dinosaur/creationism thing? Were they really around 4000 years ago when the Chinese and Egyptian empires were running smoothly or was there an episode of Land of the Lost that I missed? And did John McCain invent the Blackberry? I thought he said he didn't know how to use computers...

911

Seven years since W was too busy reading a book about goats to figure out what was happening in the world. Seven years since this stupid War of Terror was declared and nothing came of it except for a lot of dead people and a bunch of computer games inspired by the War on Terror. Seven years that have been worse than watching Brad Pitt in Seven Years in Tibet. On such a sad occasion, we can only turn to the power of chimps to make us still laugh because the one in power is just too sad and it seems like the US is falling for the Wrinkly White Dude and America's Next Top Model:

The Mamma Mia Ticket

Does this need any comment?

Everyone keeps telling me it's photoshopped but it only matters marginally.

What about this one of 'George Bush in Lipstick'.

Read the article at the Huffington Post...

Bill for President

This is the missing chapter from Obama's account of his life in Dreams from My Father - Fat Philadelphia Years (alias 'Bill' seen here standing in the middle on the right). He was always the good kid in the Junkyard Gang wasn't he?

And from Paris, we have the following (Wrinkly Old White Hair Dude):

The Koala is not かわいい* (but Keanu is)

*kawaii = cute

From the producers of Calamari Wrestler comes this postmodern journey into the psychic life of... Executive Koala. Cute on the outside, but does he have a split personality? Is he a brutal killer, an innocent victim, an overworked salary man trying to get by, or just a man in a suit? Watch it now at crunchyroll.com.

OK, this film is totally whack, I mean beyond Machine Girl whack. But it's actually kinda spellbinding. Whereas Machine Girl was just buckets of fake blood and a pretty limp storyline, this might just be one of the lost masterpieces of indie cinema left to be discovered. The best part has got to be when the courtroom dream sequence is reduced to a musical. I think this undoes all the pain that was caused in my brain from having to witness Richard Gere in Chicago. The bit about inserting nice memories was also a nice nod to Strange Days, Ghost in the Shell, and Paprika. Part Donnie Darko, but also thoroughly existential. The kungfu scene at the end kicks Keanu Reeves' butt - is it OK if a girl gets completely slammed against a wall by a koala bear? The completely absurd ending would have left Brecht in utter awe. Nice one... definitely to be watched completely wired on Coke and gummi bears.