Myeh...

I'll be in Rome of all places at the beginning of Chinese New Year so here's a final farewell from the pigs. Safe travels to everyone on the move (especially all those people stranded in frozen train stations without heat in China).

Loser

OK, so Hillary Clinton really is a sad, sad cow. Nobody was supposed to be schmoozing for delegate points in Florida, everybody agreed (because Florida is full of senile people incapable of remembering when to hold their primaries), but Hillary changed her mind at the last minute because she realized she might lose... She makes Rumsfeld seem like a Boy Scout. I'm not saying that Obama is the Saviour (Keanu Reeves is THE ONE), but Hillary has really outdone herself in desperate, mega-loser'ish moves - as if getting her castrated husband Bill to bad mouth Obama wasn't enough, now she reminds me more than ever of Reese Witherspoon in Election.
I think Florida should not be allowed to vote anymore. Red card for stupidity. Dade County should be carpet bombed off the Union map (they have provided us with three memorable US history moments: the Chad incident; OJ Simpson's first post-Nicole arrest; and the demise of Paul Reubens' career: Pee Wee Herman caught masturbating in porn theatre, thanks a lot DADE COUNTY). In fact, let's just saw off Florida and send it off to Castro, maybe he can improve literacy rates there.

I see white people

Mwahahahahaha... see full scoop here and for info on the real Jeff Ma and Mike Aponte. Not sure who Kate Bosworth gets to play (and yeah, you can ignore Aaron Yoo in the corner on the left, it would have been impossible not to have at least one authentically Asian guy in any random selection of five MIT students). Trailer also suggests that Kevin Spacey's agent still thinks he's an actor and not just the director of dubious stage productions at the Old Vic in London.

p.s. For those of you who are not familiar with Ma & Aponte, they were the MIT nerds who scammed the casinos in Vegas and got caught but now all have stellar professional, non-nerd careers (whoohoohooo, capitalism keeps the world spinning and spinning!).

I see dead people... but they're not very scary

This is the 'horror' show down between Fan Bing Bing and Li Bing Bing:


Ha ha ha, just saw this ridiculous US distribution poster for Teng Hua-tao's most fantastic would-be Wong Kar-wai'ish, would be 'horror' film The Matrimony (Chinese title literally says: 'there are ghost inside my heart' and yes first two US posters on top make the movie look way scarier than it actually is). In spite of all the 'would be's it's a really good film - excellent ending (although you have to be sharp or you'll miss the whole point), Rene Liu is great, and well, I don't know why Leon Lai keeps getting screen time... He makes the ghosts look more alive than the humans. Best Leon Lai casting: Fallen Angels where Wong Kar-wai has him play a totally expressionless hitman. Genius. perfect use of his wooden face. We'll see what the ambitious new Chen Kai-ge film will bring where LL plays an opera master (me, I'm thinking, LL's face covered in what will essentially be expressive stage makeup, kind of reminds me of Tom Cruise 'acting' with a mask on in Vanilla Why, I mean Sky).

It's not really a 'horror' film but part of that distinct Chinese genre of ghost films like Stanley Kwan's Rouge, which would have hugely disappointed any horror fanboy expecting gore. Ditto for the Bing-Bing-a-thon here. On this note also check out Johnnie To's Linger (Chinese title: 'fly away butterfly'). You can watch the un-subtitled original version on Youtube but don't read the synopsis if you don't like spoilers [correction: you could have watched it if you had been fast, it's been removed: here's the trailer link instead]. I can't vouch for Vic Zhou's acting (this is his first feature film after a successful run of Taiwanese soap operas), but he is good eye candy for the run of the movie.

Did I mention this is Johnnie To? I guess you wouldn't expect him to do a simple love story, one of the people would have to be dead right? And there are also motorcycle chases involved. The posters makes Li Bing Bing look dead, but young Vic Zhou actually plays the corpse. It's not bad, a little like a passive aggressive version of Ghost, which is one of my father's favourite film. Hmm, that was possibly THE worse promo for a film anyone has ever made. Ugh, in fact, I think I've convinced myself out of liking the movie with that unforgivable remark... (apologies to Johnnie To).

And I have to say, I think Li Bing Bing wins hands down on this one.

Six degrees: Li Bing Bing and Rene Liu were in World Without Thieves with Andy Lau.

Oh and for all those F4 fans weeping from their temporary hiatus, they have a new album out, I think it's called 'Waiting for You' or waiting for you to make us some more money...

Insomnia and PEE

It used to be that if you couldn't sleep you would just lie there in the dark until some acceptable hour (e.g., 7am) when you could forgive yourself for getting up so early on a Saturday. Today is one of those days >:[ However, with the internet you can find out all sorts of interesting and entertaining things like North Korea's Pochonbo Electronic Ensemble (PEE for short - thank you Kaiju Shakedown). If this doesn't wake you up fully I don't know what will, it's like drinking 20 espressos at once with crack and then swimming naked through icy waters.

Do you think these guys are winning the war for communism in the world?

Beach Blanket Bingo

Yikes. I never really liked the beach until I lived in LA. OK, big cliche but what do you expect. The air pollution there makes for the coolest multicoloured, stain glass like sunsets that would make a Nexus 6 cry. But these photos from China that my uncle sent to me confirm why I dislike beaches in general.

Best movie beaches: Seconds and (of course) From Here to Eternity. OK, this post is full of cliches. Sue me.

Happy Feet in Myanmar

OK, penguin news update. Today I can see right into the office and all the posters behind the giant penguin read HAPPY FEET so ermm, the answer to 'is there a sequel?' is 'duh, yes, animated penguins don't go on strike and animation can be outsourced'. Guess the Hollywood writers strike is hitting the studios hard. Well, Lionsgate and Marvel have just made a settlement with the WGA so it looks like we can all rest assured that the RAMBO sequel won't get shelved. Doesn't that just make you feel safer in the world? Apparently Stallone disagrees since he received death threats while making this movie in Myanmar (hmm, like 'stop polluting our eyes with your old, saggy face!'). He was surprised at how bad the standard of living in a conflict area could be: 'I witnessed survivors with legs cut off and all kinds of land-mine injuries, maggot-infested wounds and ears cut off. We hear about Vietnam and Cambodia but the results of this conflict are more horrific. This is a hellhole beyond your wildest dreams'. Errr, duh... did he think Aung San Suu Kyi was the name of a karaoke bar?

Tree of knowledge

After waiting some time, the new Apple micro-notebook MacBook AIR is finally out! Well, it's not really a micro-notebook, but it is damn thin (FYI - the guy in the Apple demo video has unreasonably large hands, which make the computer look smaller than it actually is). It's been a long year where I had to trawl through some pretty damn scary Apple rumor sites and blogs occupied mostly by mega-nerds and Mac extremists - e.g., check out the uber-geek at MacWorld who pretty much minuted Steve Jobs' presentation as if he were one of the Four Evangelists. Sad. Hey, I had an Apple II back in the day and played Decathlon on the old standalone Mac (when Microsoft was still making gaming software for Apple) but those Mac spiritualists you see congregating at Apple Stores across the world are just SAD. Now, if only I can manage to find $1799 in my pockets...

p.s. Laptop tip of the day: best laptop bag = bubble wrap envelop (also good deterrent for thieves).

Speaking of apples and other fruits, here is something even more addicting than Sushi Go Round (don't say I didn't warn you):

Fruit Smash Smash up the fruit, using all the bonuses you can.

Play this free game now!!

March, march, march

FYI - For any March of the Penguin fanatics, the sequel must be near because there is a BIG ASS penguin in the marketing brainstorming office at Warner Bros across the street from me... creepy. Maybe Morgan Freeman will discover a secret corporate office where some psychopathic serial killer is holding the mother of all penguins... Along Came a Penguin, Danny the Penguin, Kiss the Penguins, SePENGUINen...

Uh oh, this just in: since reporting the above, the blinds have gone down. Be scared! They know we know about the big penguin. This is how every Morgan Freeman thriller begins isn't it? I'll let you know when we get to the running in the rain at night through creepy back alley and abandoned factory buildings chase scene... (hmm, this is also the building with the lame-ass paper recycling bin mentioned in the previous blog - coincidence?).

Plastics

One of the best and most memorable lines in The Graduate is when Mr. McGuire tells Ben (Dustin Hoffman's character) 'there's a great future in plastics'. The film's still fantastic because of: 1) the young Dustin Hoffmam; 2) Katharine Ross; 3) Benjamin's car; 4) Mrs. Robinson's coat.


Hooray for China for banning plastic bags. Booooo for China for human rights abuse, but nobody these days can claim a clean record (even Canadians are getting unjustifiably tasered in airports...). In Italy they charge you 5 cents for every plastic bag you get from the grocery stores; at the Whole Foods in LA they used to give you something like 3 cents back for every bag you brought with you; in American Beauty the most beautiful thing the kid next door ever films is a plastic bag in the wind (loser); in the UK there is no mandatory recycling of any kind and you often can't even get proper recycling bins (uber-lame). Note to self: take photo of ridiculous paper recycling bins near home... Anyway, good for China for cutting down on plastic bags, now let's see if they can manage to do something about the poisonous air.

Happy Fat New Year!

Happy Fat New Year! 2008 is a very lucky number so it should be a good one. For everyone in Europe make sure to schedule a 01 June 08 party, those in N. America can do Jan 06 08 party for luck and everyone can have a blast this 08 Aug 08 - 168/888, either way it sure beats 04 April 04 when we were in the early stupidity of the War in Iraq.

Here are some highlights from the end of the year and some random vids, etc. that I remembered seeing this year:

Cute in 2007:

Otters holding hands (MILLIONS of people seem to have watched this clip and one of the otters was apparently saved from the Exxon oil spill ages ago)



The evil eye baby


I know it's like America's Funniest Home Videos stupid, but it still makes me laugh everytime I see it. Reminds me of the 'Whatchoo talkin' about Willis' look. Hooray for Gary Coleman: child star turned security guard turned politician. To think this man coulda been the Governator if the votes had been skewed in California 2003 (he did come in 8th just after Larry Flynt). It renews my faith in American democracy when an Austrian body builder, a disabled porn publisher, a child star, a porn star turned cook named Mary Carey, a game show winner, a Sumo wrestler, and a Socialist all run for public office in order to run an incompetent, lame duck politician out of office. Hooray for California! Making democracy safe for the world.

Standing cat (this is an old one, but who doesn't love a standing cat?!)



Very cool in 2007:

The power of collectivity



Matrix ping-pong

Also quite old, but I was reminded of this when I saw it shamelessly ripped off in a London play earlier this year (Tom Morris and Emma Rice's rather boring A Matter of Life and Death; see, however, Katie Mitchell's excellent Women of Troy if you get a chance):



Very very in 2007:

So today I looked up CHINGLISH after having been sent various images from the site over the year by my brothers and to my shock some over 1,700 photos have been uploaded by 500+ members since I last looked at the site. The one here is my favourite of the... well, first couple of pages (I couldn't make it through page 5). There are many more classics, but this is a pretty ironic one. Thanks to brappy for the upload (see similar at Crappy DVD Covers). Compare with the actual movie poster (for those of you who haven't seen the movie, Bill Murray and not Dustin Hoffman is in the film; it's set in modern day Tokyo and not well, some green park in the past; there are no dogs in the movie, but there is a karaoke bar).

Just in case you are wondering what this movie is about, I will quote the blurb from the DVD cover above:

'the Bill is a television for over spirit star, he much uper the spout year, just connected to clap luckly recently a whisky television advertise, for taking this advertisement, he arrived at Tokyo. Summer with( card benefit with – John) is a photographer( tile – thunder ratio west ) who young wife who husband, busy with the work to always neglect her, so she arrive at the relax by taking stroll of Tokyo.'

No those are not typos, yes it is all lost in translation. When the movie came out people said it was slow, boring, self-indulgent, and racist about the Japanese. I think, however, it perfectly catches that sense of dislocated tourist ennui that overwhelms you when you have overstayed your welcome in a foreign land. As for the 'racist' interpretation - has anyone ever actually seen Asian variety shows?! I think the one in the movie is pretty tame (Sofia nailed that one on the head). It's one of my favourites (good soundtrack, good colour and lighting, great ending) although you really should be a damn good director if your dad made American Graffiti, The Conversation, Apocalypse Now, and the Godfather trilogy.

Very Happy New Year:

The awesome Taipei 101 New Year 2008 fireworks display (you may ignore the excited ooh'ing and ahh'ing of the crowd in the video, but the image is still pretty fantastic):

Wax on, wax off grasshopper

OK, things have been pretty busy. It takes twice as long just to walk down the street these days with all the Xmas shopping nuts out all at once. Yeesch. Internet shopping people. Anyway, lots going on but I save the jewel for this posting: Will Smith, seen here emerging out of his own crotch at a press conference for I Am Legend (what the Tom Cruise fairy movie or is this a remake of The Legend of Bagger Vance?)... Speaking of remakes - here's the news, WS wants to remake The Karate Kid with Stephen Chow and set it in China? Uh, aside from the obvious problem of migrating Mr Miyagi from LA to China (from Japanese to Chinese - oh, maybe Zhang Ziyi can play Mr Miyagi if Stephen Chow doesn't want to?), well, WS was never known for his brains - this is the guy, afterall, who chose to do Wild Wild West instead of the Matrix.
Read it and weep. Wow, The Karate Kid has its own long ass Wiki entry and I thought I had nothing better to do with my time...

Happy holidays!

Lust, Caution II

色。戒

There's also a gajillion Brokeback Mountain spoofs out there, here's just one:


p.s. Have since seen BLOOD BROTHERS and as much as I love the cast (Daniel Wu, Chen Zhang, Liu Ye, Shu Qi), the original John Woo film is still light years better. This version is aesthetically perfect, but it has lost all of the politics and poignancy that made Bullet in the Head one of THE best all time movies about Vietnam without it being just another stupid war movie. If you haven't seen Woo's film, all the other Vietnam films are just macho fluff. This is kick you in the head (bullet in the head) raw. NOBODY can top Tony Leung's acting, although Jacky Cheung playing wacko is a pretty good second here. And by the by, that scene in Bourne Ultimatum where Jason Bourne has to shoot the guy in the FBI room, way better done in Bullet in the Head guys...

Also of exceptional note is Ning Hao's Crazy Stone (the now already old and much celebrated surprise blockbuster)... sorry trailer is in Chinese only, but it's a jewel heist gone very wrong, which was produced by Andy Lau's most worthy First Cuts production company...

'Former President of Peru' losing it...

On the BBC:'Venezuela creates its own unique time zone on Sunday, putting the clock back half-an-hour on a permanent basis. President Hugo Chavez says that an earlier dawn means the performance of the country will improve, as more people will wake up in daylight. "I don't care if they call me crazy, the new time will go ahead," he said. But critics say the move is unnecessary and the president simply wants to be in a different time zone from his arch-rival, the United States.'

Yes, having your own time zone has done wonders for Economic Giants such as... errm... Newfoundland? Chavez is just not as cool as Fidel Castro whose 2004 switch from the US dollar to the Euro was a far better way to piss off Uncle Sam. But developing countries beware, one of the most important prior attempts to convert to the Euro standard - IRAQ 2000 - coupled by the unfortunate incident of 9-11 and the existence of evil doers paved the way for whole scale war. Not cool. And what's with the tiny books Hugo?

Asian Hair Simulator Software?!

This is better than hair implants, which make you look like a ragged Barbie doll. This is too funny and if only you didn't have to give credit card details I would encourage everyone to do it. I'm sure someone can find a free one, but I don't have time today to scour the internet for something so silly.